Rain
by RedKilo87
Summary: Attachment was for the weak; that is what they had told me. But what they hadn't told me was that I really had no control over it.


_I was scrolling through my tumblr feed when I came across a piece of fanart that once I saw it I knew I had to write something about it, and that's where this little sob fest came from. If you are curious as to what image I am speaking of, just follow the link provided below to check it out._

 _Oh and if you are really looking to add a little heart ache to this, I advise you to listen to "Saturn" by Sleeping At Last while reading, it's what I was listening to when I was writing it._

* * *

I was told from the beginning not to get attached, that they were tools, objects to be used and if one of them was to die that's just the way it went; there was to be no pain or suffering involved in the loss of a tool who's only purpose was to kill. I was to train it, make it understand that I was its master and that its only purpose in this world was to serve me.

I had nodded and confirmed my understanding; attachment was for the weak and I was not going to be weak. I had reached out and received the gangly pup that was quickly dropped into my grasp, soft fur splaying across my fingers as I held her firm in hopes of stopping its attempts to escape my hold. Her golden eyes peered up at me as if she understood already that I held the strings to its fate; I had returned her gaze with a glare of my own trying to instill a sense of superiority over this creature whose life had just been put into my hands only to receive a shock when she had lunged forward splashing her tongue across my cheek; the thump of her tail against my forearms suddenly matching the beat of my own heart as it had thudded against my chest.

Attachment was for the weak; that is what they had told me.

But what they hadn't told me was that I really had no control over it.

Like everything else in my life, this was another thing that I had no control over; I had been taken as a child and forced into the Overseer's service which had been out of my control. I had been told upon arrival that my transition would be easier than the others in my group because my parents were already dead.

I had no one to go back to, no one to miss me.

I was seventeen when they gave me her; I had never loved anyone or anything that I could remember and I was told not to love her but I did.

Not at first, I fought it at first. I trained her roughly, demanded everything that I thought I could expect from an animal to give me. But she learned quickly and responded to my commands; I still remember the sense of pride that had bloomed in my chest the first time she sat when I commanded it. The sound of the rain drumming against the window as she gazed up at me from her sitting position, I had tried to squash the feeling but as I reached down and combed my fingers through the fur beside her ear and felt the pressure as she pressed her head into my palm I knew I could stop it.

She was still young, all legs and paws too big for her body the first time I allowed her to curl up against me to sleep; an act that was frowned upon by most. _"You are getting to close"_ they would say but the warmth that seeped from her body into my own brought me a sense of calmness that I could not give up once I had it. The first night had been brought about by a storm, the worst that I could remember; the thunder had cracked, shaking the walls of the barracks, rain slammed against the windows and dripped through the cracks in the ceiling splashing onto the floor in a constant rhythmic pattern. She had whimpered from inside her kennel, the noise sneaking in after each crash of thunder; I don't know why I went and got her, why I didn't just let her suffer through the storm. It would make her harder, she would get over it, she was just an animal after all.

But I did, I had gotten up and pulled her from her kennel.

And that night I named her Rain. I named her as the storm seemed to lose its edge as she curled herself up against my chest; her heart beating with mine.

It's been five years since that night and I have never not slept with her at my side, we have been through so much together, to hell and back; seen death and caused it. I named her Rain because during that storm as the rain seeped in through the walls she had seeped in through mine and it's ironic that it would be raining tonight.

The water soaks my pants as soon as my knees connect with the cement; the cold stinging my skin as I stare down at my chest; it's unusual to see the blade protruding from the front the crimson of my blood staining across the fabric.

How did it get there? Why is it there?

I reach up to try and grasp it, to wrap my gloved fingers around it but I'm too late. My fingers connect with only my chest as searing pain rockets its way through my body turning the edges of my vision white as the blade is yanked free and as soon as it's gone I want it back. I want it back so badly because I know where it's going.

She wants to protect me, she always has.

The world seems to be moving too slow and too fast at the same time. She's right there and I want to tell her to stop, to run. But she wouldn't listen even if I did; even if I could.

Because she's a stupid animal.

My stupid animal.

The thunder cracks as her body connects with the blade like some sick climatic joke; I scream or at least I think I do as the blood sprays from my mouth, some makes it out from behind my mask but the rest gets stuck and splashes back against my skin.

She hits the ground with a sickening thud and doesn't move, I reach out to touch her, to help her, she needs me. The shadow with the blade drops his foot on her body and I cry out as he tugs, the blade sliding free and just like before in-between the sounds of the thunder cracking her whimper reaches my ears. Another wave of agony racks through my body as I drop forward onto my hands, my muscles scream out as I drag myself forward. The shadow moves and I don't care; it takes too long to reach her, too long to drag myself across the distance that separates us.

When I finally can place my hand on her side, it doesn't move. She doesn't move and I can't control the sob the rips its way through my body, gurgling out with the blood that fills my throat. My vision is blurring and I don't know if it's from the blood loss or the tears the make my eyes feel red hot; my fingers shake as I tangle her fur into my hand. I wish I could feel it but I don't have the strength to remove my gloves. My mask pressing into the flesh of my face as it lowers onto her side as my body slowly drops down to lay on the cement, the rain water mixing in with the blood that seeps out of the hole in my chest.

I wonder briefly if its mixing in with hers like a morbid painting.

A child playing with water colors.

I'm finding it hard to breathe now, my body shakes as I gasp at the cold air around me, blood dripping from the corners of my mouth, I can taste it. Taste it on my tongue and against the back of my throat.

I use what little strength I have left to stroke my fingers weakly against her side.

 _ **"**_ _ **Rain…"**_ the words gurgle out of my throat and past my lips, soft as a whisper.

 _ **"**_ _ **It's…. okay…."**_ I choke on the letters as I try to force my tongue to form them. _**"…I'm…"**_ The blackness starts to cover my vision; I grip her fur as tight as I can and I can feel my chin shake. _**"…I'm…here…"**_

I am afraid.

I can taste the salt of my tears mixing in with the copper taste of blood on my lips.

I am afraid, but she's right here with me and it'll be okay because she protects me from the storms just like I protect her.

The rain continues to fall but like before the storm seems to have lost its edge.


End file.
